Falling in a fight for the Right Path

God, it's been a long time since I last updated my blog, but how can I do so when everything in my life is pulling me away from the things I love and a big part of that is because of school. Have you ever felt awful to the point of suffocating and not being able to catch up your breath?? It's the way I'm feeling right now. The paths I have to choose are all life matters that I know will leave a big affect on my life.

Right now, I'm feeling like a bird who just loves flying, but going to lose her wings if she chose the wrong path or step. She might choose a path where someone with a gun is waiting to hunt her or another path where she might get attacked by another wild bird.

Till now, I never had to make a choice between two things, I always knew what I wanted. I wanted to be in science department in high school, a student in Information Technology College and specialize in Software Engineering and probably complete my Master Degree in Game Development. So, I've never been under the pressure of choosing one thing among two things, but lately, that was changed. I have to make a choice which will affect my whole future. I tried everything I can in order to make the right choice, I even wrote a list containing the good and bad things regarding each option which didn't work out. I tried other things like talking to my friends and gaining more opinions on the matter, but that didn't resolve my dilemma. So, I thought about imaging and predicting the future for each option. So far, I only could predict and imagine one future and couldn't do the same for the other; therefore, I have to think of something else to compare between the two options because my last thought didn't work out as well.

My mind can't handle thinking 24 hours a day. I truly need to make up my mind quickly or else I'll keep up not being able to sleep, thinking all night long till the morning which is affecting very badly on my health and my energy. Recently, I feel exhausted and in a total different world most of the time. I'm really lost and I try my best to look the strongest girl ever, but this is killing me mentally. However, I decided to open up to some of my friends, more like best friends and hear their thoughts about the whole matter. For once, I truly appreciate friendship and realize how magnificent it is to have a friend and not just any friend, a friend you trust and has a big part in your heart.

I just want to thank Nona for being there for me when I need her and how she supports me and realize my dreams and hopes. You truly opened my eyes to things I never even noticed before, God, I just love you girl!! I can't believe that we didn't get to be friends before, and now this semester you're graduating, but I know deep inside that you'll always be one of my best friends that I truly trust and hopefully my partner in A Games company in the future!

Somz, you, being there just comforts me. You truly one of my best friends and I can never picture my life without you there. I love you a lot sweetie and I love hearing your thoughts and getting your opinions because we somewhat has the same mind.

3laya, you are awesome and cool! I don't think I'll be able to handle the fact that most of my friends are going to graduate this semester if you weren't with me. I'm glad that you always there when I need you and how you remind me of important things that I need to see. Love you hon!!